And no, I'm not just talking about my family. Although we are pretty weird.
First of all, a couple of things have changed since I last published any of my writing on here:
# 1: I turned 40 two weeks ago! Happy freaking birthday to me! I've barely had time to think about this big milestone birthday, but when I do think about it, it feels good!
# 2: I'm pregnant. 24 weeks to be exact, with Baby # 3. I also barely have time to think about this pregnancy, but things are going well and we are very excited.
Intro: It's been a while since I've published anything here on my cute 'lil blog, but that doesn't mean I haven't been writing! I'll be updating more of my blog soon. Things got a little wacky and my hands got a little full in the hot, dog days of summer, while I was home with the girls all day, every day. Then, of course, things got even crazier with the start of the school year for everyone in our house. Simply stated, I have put both my writing, and my blog, on the back burner. I have some pieces that have been written for a while, but, for a multitude of reasons, I have not published here yet. I will be doing so soon. For today, I'm sharing a simple little something on the G word: Gratitude. That's right, folks! Today, I'm gettin' on the gratitude bandwagon. But hang on, before you get all judge-y and roll your eyes at me (or perhaps you're actually excited because you're on the gratitude bandwagon, too!), there is a kicker here: I am trying to find a place of gratitude for some of the strange things for which I may not usually be thankful.
First, on the Cliche of Gratitude: Right now the social media world is abuzz with posts saying things like, "Grateful for this crew every day!" and "Thankful for these turkeys!" and "Thankful doesn't quite cut it!" And, as much as I abhor the trendy language and sayings recycled on social media by everyone and their mothers, and as much as I detest some of these cliched traditions like sharing what I am thankful for (but only doing this in November), I am going to do something similar. In the spirit of Thanksgiving, and with the goal of getting back into the habit of sharing my writing (even if I'm the only one who's reading it!), I thought I would share my own little list of things for which I am grateful.
So, here you go! A little list of powerful, albeit, strange, things for which I am grateful.
1.The ability to smell poopy diapers: It's been ten months since our family all had COVID. I've told many people this, but the hardest part of having COVID for me was the emotional element that comes with the inability to smell. Sure, the nonstop coughing, and horrible congestion was no bueno. But the part that was, by far, the hardest for me? The inability to smell. One day, I was sitting on the couch with the girls on my lap. I was snuggling them, and kissing them, and it hit me like a ton of bricks: I couldn't smell my babies. There is nothing like the smell of your own people, (even when they're not fresh out of the bath). I know this may seem strange to some people, but I realized in that moment, how often I do smell my children and the endorphin release that it brings to do so.
The inability to smell fresh coffee brewing was another tough one to digest. I laid in bed one night, crying, thinking about what life would be like if I couldn't smell anymore. I panicked as I wondered how long it would be that I wouldn't be able to smell anymore. So, today and every day, I truly am thankful for the ability to smell not just the good things, like my children, coffee brewing, a fireplace going in the winter time, and the smell of a Frasier Fir Christmas tree, but also, the nasty things, like my two year old's dirty diaper, and the smell of burning popcorn when I accidentally set the microwave to 30 minutes instead of 3 minutes...whoops! (It literally smelled like burnt popcorn in our house for almost a week).
2. Living in a small house: I would be lying if I didn't admit that sometimes, it's really hard to live in a small house. There are four of us now (five soon!) and our house is full of toys, clothes, and all sorts of other clutter that I organize, seemingly every day. Having small children obviously makes it hard to keep a house clutter-free, but I try. I try! I know that some day, we will be getting into a bigger house. But for now, I am thankful for the things that a small house brings. This includes:
-Small-ish utility bills. Gas and electric bills can get crazy-expensive, even in our small house. But I know that these bills would be even higher in a bigger house.
-The constant reminder to de-clutter: OK having a basement would be really nice. I'm sure we would end up putting most of our kids' toys down there and, let's be honest, a bunch of other clutter as well. Without having a basement, and living in a small space, forces you to look at the things around you that are creating a mess and, unless you like living in a mess, it forces you to deal with and clean that mess almost constantly. Does that mean my house is usually clean? HA! That's funny. No, that's not what I mean. But it does keep us more honest and it reminds us to de-clutter more often.
-It's cozy! Yes, I know, I'm being cheesy! But there is something really sweet about being able to hear all of my girls' conversations from just a few feet away. I can hear Annabelle playing with her babies, I can hear Emmie singing to herself and, perhaps most importantly, I can hear them when they are attempting to scheme and do something totally frustrating, like dumping an entire box of Chex-Mix onto the carpet after I've just vacuumed. There is something to be said for being in close proximity to my sweet (and always-scheming) children.
Sometimes I feel like we could be on one of the Tiny Houses shows, but I try to remind myself on the daily, how very lucky we are to have a house, to have food on the table, and to have beds to sleep in at night.
3. The Times I've felt Hurt: This is a tough one to talk about. It's even tougher to find the gratitude in these ones. I've been doing a lot of self-reflecting and personal healing lately, and in doing so, I've been finding it 100% necessary to come face-to-face with the parts of myself that require transformation. I'm a human being and part of being human is opening your heart. I've always been a particularly sensitive soul. It's who I am. It's who I've always been. So things that hurt me, may not hurt everyone. More accurately, things that hurt others a little bit, tend to hurt me more. And perhaps most accurately, things that I admit may hurt me, others may not so readily admit. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I let others know that. Thankfully, there are not a lot of these times of hurt of which to speak. However, there are a few, and these few have been powerful. Without getting too personal on here, the common theme in the times of which I speak is a general feeling of not having my feelings considered. It's not fun to experience these things; it's even more un-fun to confront these situations. Everyone experiences moments of hurt. Everyone. Whether we admit it or not. Yet, I truly believe that we can learn from these experiences and, if we are lucky, we can grow from them, too. Here are a few things I have learned from being hurt, and for this, I am grateful:
-For me, I've been learning how to reflect instead of how to react. In other words, I've been learning how to look at the hurt, and to let the hurt go, instead of letting the hurt control me.
-I've also been learning how to stop expecting people to behave in the way that I feel like people *should* behave.
-And finally, I've allowed the hurt to bring me back to my spirituality as an opportunity for personal growth and transformation, into a better place of love.
In Conclusion
So there you have it, folks. Three powerful, although maybe strange, things for which I am grateful. As cliche as it is, I actually do think that gratitude can be a very powerful thing.
And to wrap things up, here's a picture of something not unusual, for which I am grateful: Me and my two daughters (and baby # 3 that you cannot see yet) on my 40th birthday.
In Gratitude,
Abby
