If you know me, you know that I have a love-hate relationship with social media. Last year in January and February, I took a pretty decent break from social media, which is when I started this blog. I *think* I'm gearing up to take another social media break, or some form of it. I wrote this piece while on my "cleanse" last year. The experience was eye-opening for me, and definitely opened up some avenues for personal growth and transformation. Thank you to The Orange Journal on Medium for publishing this piece. If you've ever considered the impact that social media has on you, or if you've ever considered taking a break for your own sanity, this piece might be for you. Enjoy!
"Three Things I Learned from my Social Media Cleanse"
Scroll. Click. Like. Who else liked it? Wow.
Click. Scroll. Love. Who else loved it? Double wow!
Click. Scroll. Wait. What? Wow. They got a new house! That’s a nice house. How old are they again? Only 25? Geez. That’s a nice house for a 25 year old. Who all liked this one? I guess I’ll like it too.
Wait, do I like this, or do I love it? I’ll love it. That’s a nicer gesture.
Click. Scroll. Scroll. Scroll. Aw, a cute picture of a bunch of cute people huddled together sipping fun beverages on someone’s deck. It looks like a party…a really fun party! They all look so happy. They’re dressed really cute. He has a lot of parties. Let me just take a look back at his profile and see…
Sound familiar?
For a long time now, I have had an inkling (OK, a very BIG inkling) that I have been spending too much time on social media. At best, it is a way to pass the time. At worst, it’s a really quick way to feel really unmotivated, slightly stressed out, and maybe even a little bit cruddy.
One day, towards the very end of 2021, I made a decision.
That’s it. I thought. I need a break.
I knew I wasn’t ready to delete my account altogether, or even to deactivate it. So instead, I simply logged out one day and did not log back in.
Overall, I learned that regularly being on social media led me to feeling stressed out, unmotivated, and stagnant. Instead of evolving and accomplishing things in my own life, I found myself constantly wrapped into other people’s lives.
Many evenings, I went to bed feeling like I could accomplish more if I just gave myself the chance and took a break. My social media cleanse helped me to tap into my own creative potential and finally tackle one of my lifelong goals with my new free time: I started a personal blog and wrote my first few articles. I have since shared my blog with family and friends. And as of last month, May of 2022, I have had my first article published. I truly feel that since taking a break from social media, I have made real headway in some lifelong goals.
Question: Is there anything that you are doing (or not doing), that is keeping you stuck in the ‘exist’ versus ‘evolve’ category? Is there some kind of road block in your own life that you feel, if you just took a step back and observed the impact that is has on you, you could maybe take a few steps forward to becoming more of who you want to become?
Keep reading to see the three main takeaways from my social media cleanse and how you, too, can cleanse from something in your own life, in order to accomplish more.
What I learned
Two Worlds, One Girl
When checking social media regularly throughout the week, to me it feels like there is my real world, with my real people, in real time, and then there is my social media world where EVERYONE (yes, everyone) is putting on a show of some kind, all of the time. It doesn’t have to be a big show. It might be a show from your own post, and it might be a show from how you respond to someone else’s post. But the bottom line is, social media is performative. We are all constantly under the microscope at all times. I can see what you post, I can see what you like (and what you don’t like), I can see how you respond (or don’t respond) to everyyyything. Simply put, social media is a giant stage. And this stage is not part of our real, present moment.
I do not like the feeling where half of the day, I am enjoying real time with real people in the real world, and the other half of the time, I’m virtually watching (and sometimes engaging in) performances of some kind. I.had.to.get.out. Even if for just a minute. Taking a break from this newsfeed helped me to be more engaged in my real world, with my real people.
People, The present moment is precious.
I know what you’re thinking: Geez, woman, get a grip!
You probably think I’m just insecure if something like social media can have that much power over me. And, you might be right. You also just might not realize just how many people are in the same boat as me. And maybe you just don’t realize how much power social media, or technology in general, has over you.
I have two little children who need me. They need a mommy who is present, listening, engaged, and participating 100% when we are together. During the school year, we already spend 58% of our awake hours, per week apart (yes, I have done the math). We are at work and they are at school, then at after care (my older daughter) for 45 hours a week. The time that we have together is precious. It is precious and it cannot be redone in a few years. Ten years from now, when looking back and thinking about how we spent our time together, do I want to have memories of sitting at the dining room table, randomly scrolling through my facebook feed while I’m also trying to color with my little girls at the same time?
And it’s not just about my children. Because as we all know, our alone time matters. It matters as mothers, as parents, and as functioning adults. Our alone time is precious. Am I right? Do I really want to spend what very little alone time that I do have, consumed in other people’s lives and performances? Or do I want to spend it doing things to improve my own life?
To be clear, social media is not the only form of technology that can detract from the present moment and this is not lost on me. There is a myriad of things that can take us away from the present moment: checking email, responding to text messages, reading (or writing) blog posts, to name a few. All of these things can wait.
I urge you to consider: Does social media, or something else in your life, take you away from the present moment? Is there something that, if you disengaged just a little bit more, would help you feel more engaged with your real world and your real people?
2. Exist or Evolve?
When spending excessive amounts of time on social media, I often feel like I am merely existing. Like I am scrolling, observing, and interacting, but in the most meaningless, superficial way. How can I change, grow, evolve, and expand my world in any way, if I am just looking, scrolling, and comparing, all day long? Sure, if I am using facebook to read an interesting article or someone’s blog, I am actually feeding my mind with positive ideas. And obviously, I am a fan of blogs. Social media can be a great tool for many things, but that’s not what this article is about. I can also engage in those things (i.e. reading an informative blog) without being on social media.
Because the truth is, if I am going to read an article on facebook, I am inevitably going to get sidetracked by ‘the feed’ and start engaging with the meaningless mind clutter instead of just reading the encouraging articles. Because oftentimes, for me, that’s what social media is: mind clutter. I cannot think straight, I cannot think clearly, I cannot get in tune with my authentic feelings, when I feel like I am being totally ambushed by ‘the feed.’
When I am on facebook, I honestly sometimes feel like I am giving my power away. In other words, the more I use social media, the less empowered I feel over my own emotions and my own life. Why, again I ask, would I choose this for myself?
Question: Do you feel like you are able to evolve in your own life when you spend excessive amounts of time using social media (or something else)? Or would a break from (chosen activity) motivate you to do something you have always wanted to do?
3. Do you even like you?
OK, here’s the deal: I am ashamed to admit that social media has brought out a side of myself that I honestly don’t even like. It’s funny: There are so many things about social media that inherently conflict with my true personality. It’s true that I don’t like being told what to do. It is also true that I don’t like being watched. And, like most people, I really don’t like being judged.
Whether you know it or not, and whether you like it or not, it is near to impossible to live a truly authentic life, free of being watched and judged when you are constantly under the microscope of the social media world.
I don’t care how independent you are. I don’t care how confident you are. When you know that your posts are being watched and evaluated, and determined worthy of ‘the like’ (or if you’re lucky, ‘the love!’ ), you cannot be truly free. When you know that everyone else you know can see what you like, what you love, and how you respond, you cannot be truly free. Can you have fun? Sure! Can you get an ego boost? Of course! Can you give someone else an ego boost? Heck yeah! But…and this is a big ‘but,’…
It.is.all.temporary. And, perhaps more importantly: it is all superficial.
Note: I am not saying that it is all bad; I am just saying, it is important to realize the nature of the beast and to take it for what it is.
Which leads me to this point: This article isn’t to say that there aren’t elements of social media that aren’t meaningful and beneficial. Many times, I have found myself connecting with other people in genuine ways. I also know that social media can be a powerful tool to connect people as well. But the thing is, many times, I have found myself interacting with posts with which I don’t even want to interact, but feeling guilty if I don’t. I have found myself caring way too deeply about people that I know way too little because yes, there is a part of me that feels that desire to be accepted, way too much. I have found myself acting in ways that are not genuine, not authentic, and not me.
I, and I am willing to bet most human beings(whether we want to admit it or not) have a deep, somewhat burning desire to be liked and accepted. For me, social media adds fuel to this fire. Right now in my life, I am trying to put this fire out. Or at least I am trying to take a step back and observe this flame so that it can burn in to something better.
How you can do the same:
Now that you have read about the three main things I learned from my social media break, here are some ways you can consider taking a break from something in your own life, in order to do something you have always wanted to do.
Determine the issue: What is something in your life that you feel like regularly detracts you from the present moment? What keeps you from being engaged in your own reality more, and therefore, less fulfilled in general? What is something that prevents you from living the life that you want to live? Nail down the issue. Name it.
Start small: Maybe you can’t go ‘cold turkey.’ So how can you spend less time engaging with said activity (see # 1). Can you take several months off? Or could you start with a full week? Or maybe you need to start with a couple of hours at a time? Whatever it is, determine how you can spend substantially less time than what you are spending right now, engaging in this activity. If you can’t do it all at once, try baby steps.
Pick the goal: Now that you will have more free time, what is something you have always wanted to do? How can you start tackling this goal? What steps do you need to take to accomplish this goal?
Start. Just do it. What are you waiting for?
In Summary
Taking a two-month break from social media helped me to tap into my creative potential and accomplish something I have always wanted to do: start my personal blog. It helped me to evaluate the impact that excessive social media usage was having on my own mental health. It has now been almost six months since I started this endeavor. And while I am not currently on a social media cleanse, I still make sure to dedicate certain days at a time to not engage online. It helps me to be more present, more focused, more fulfilled, and more creative overall.
Look, there are a lot of things I really like about social media. Heck, I have even promoted my personal blog (product of my social media break) on my facebook page. I shared my first published article on social media, and it was incredibly rewarding because I got some good engagement with my article from my friends and family. You might even see this article posted on social media one day. How’s that for some irony?!
It is not an all or nothing thing for me; it is a clarity thing. It is not a black or white thing for me; it is a balance thing. It is a ‘know my limits’ thing. It is a ‘taking a break’ thing. Everything…including social media…in moderation.
This is one thing I have done to improve my own life. To me, that’s what it is all about. If we aren’t constantly trying to improve, if we aren’t trying to be a better person today than we were yesterday, then what’s the point?
